THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
I have a lot of evidence of everything I thought and felt as a teenager. I have records of everything, both written and on the internet. It would not be difficult to look up any single date within the past nine or ten years and discover exactly what had been on my mind
But I read it now, and a stranger could have written it- It's a funny thing-
I didn't really kick into consciousness until I was 17. I remember everything with exceptional clarity after that point because it was the first time I had to be a real adult. Everything until that point was an insane blur. Things are really sharp starting at the end of my junior year of high school.
I wish I could go back into it, because there are gaps for me. Important moments I can still see, but my daily life- Or, more specifically, the horrors happening in that house-
I want to be able to see them clearly, which I still can't.
I've started feeling nostalgic, which I never have before, for old things. For music I used to listen to, clothes I used to wear.
I really hated those times, and rightly so, but there's just something about it I really miss.
I can remember on the last week of high school, everyone kept saying how much they were going to miss it and when they asked me, I said, with all honesty, 'No, I can't wait to leave. I fucking hate it here. I won't miss it at all.'
I still don't, but there's an old bruise there, something I need to touch