THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
I have three similar visions:
The beach is circular, and I know it. The cliffs are black. There is white sand, dark water, and purple sky. I am not afraid of the sea.
First, I stand a few feet from the water and cannot move. A man I love (but have not met yet) is reclining on a blanket several yards away. He watches but does not react. I look as I do now, my dress is blue. I look down the beach to my left and see myself, as I was. I am grotesque and strange. I want to move because the sight is so strange, but am planted. I cannot look away. A hundred tiny birds, red and green, begin to circle my old self, until I can barely see. They leave and reveal a large, wooden toy bird, red and green. It flies away with stilted, mechanical motions. The small birds return and land on my shoulders. They turn my dress from blue into gold.
second, I am stuck in a grove of trees at the edge of the beach, far from the shore. There is a false light inside the grove. I look to see bulbs, but can't see any. It's bright and uncomfortable inside. A man I love (but have not met yet) is on the other side, standing on the dark beach. He is amused, he gestures to me to come close. I try, but I cannot get out. There are walls that I cannot see. He continues to beckon, but I can't come through. I hit my hands against the walls, but nothing happens. I go through to the other side, try to wait, try to think. I begin to force my way through, and the wall cuts me like glass. I have to fight and my skin is sliced into ribbons. I fall through to the beach, and the man takes me by the hand.
Third, I am buried in the sand, with only my torso and head visible. It is day time on the beach- I have never seen it in the day. I am buried too close to the shore, I am worried about the tide, I am worried about drowning. I wait for hours. Tiny birds land on mybody and pull coins out of the sand where I am buried. As the day goes on, small animals build a cage around me, a cage of made of bones. I know it would be easy to break. I wait for someone to come. No one comes.