THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
So first official day today.
How to put it exactly, except... Um...
Itwasthegayestthingever.
Ever.
And, you know, I don't want to be all "Ah, I'm Such a Sad Loner", but, what the fuck, I totally am. I always forget about that.
Like, really I do.
I forget I've got some sort of severe social dyslexia and while I don't give a fuck who you are or what you're like or who you fuck or what you smoke, everyone else still seems to be all "Ooh, you freak" at me. For... No reason?
I don't know. I realize the oozing bitterness and/or sarcasm and total lack of empathy towards almost everyone doesn't get me far, but I forget it's actual a different motive for people. I forget other people just sort of move through, completely buffetted towards everything.
It's just fucked.
I don't know.
I don't have any classes with my friends. Like, not even one.
And I guess the whole 'making friends' shit doesn't even work when you know, you already fucking know everyone there, you know? When are we leaving space for new social activity when you've been cattle-packed with the same stupid bitches for years and they all seem to think you eat babies and carry switchblades and things and all you're even interested in is someone who can move something... I don't know... Forward.
I don't know. It's fucking frustrating.
I only like the fucking teachers. And I like Alix and I like French and Jordan and Becca and Ashley, but everyone else... It's just... Abrasive. They're just so far out there, and we have to constantly carry on this manic depressive banter about how much we hate everyone and, like... I don't know. There whole thing is just to piss people off and show how weird they are.
I'm fucking over it.
If it were up to me, I'd just work on moving through completely unnoticed, and just get everything done so I can move on to something more interesting. You know? Let's just get the shit over with and then work on what's actually worthwhile and stop fucking worrying what everyone else is thinking about us.
I just want to get rid of all this social situation bullshit.
I don't know. I keep waiting for people to get over all of it, and they still won't.
And we stayed after school to listen to Ms. Hernandez's new play she's entering in some competition and everyone was there and it's just...
I don't know.
I like them all in theory, but I hate them all in practice.
Or, no, I don't know, it's not even hate. I'm just done with being that way and I'm done with people who need to be so "Oh, what the fuck, I'm so different from everyone else! I'm such a fucking freak of nature! Ooh, fuck, look at me!"
I don't know.
I'm looking forward to the single most unlucky year of the year.
And we still have all this shit with Liesa, stupidest fucking bitch EVER.
It's great.
I'm having a really good week. Really I am.