THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
Wait, wait, here you want some gross out factor for the beginning of the summer?
I'll spare you the actual conversation:
"So I had my surgery today, right?"
"So how was it, Lizz?"
"Well... It was crunchy."
"What?"
"Well, they were taking off bone and gum with this weird blade thing. It was really loud."
"Ew!"
"And I had to keep my eyes closed the whole time."
"Why did you have to keep your eyes closed the whole time?"
"Because he was holding this huge pair of bloody scissors about my face the whole time."
"Ew!"
"Yeah, they kept sucking all my blood out through this straw vaccum thing."
"Ew!"
"Yeah, I can't feel my nose."
"What?"
"Well, they gave me about nine million shots of novocaine. It hasn't worn off yet. You know."
"Why did they have to give you so many?"
"Well, I kept feeling it as they removed huge hunks of my gum."
"Ew!"
"Yeah, I know, right? It was great."
And, there you go. Most popular girl at the dinner table.
I swear, I'm just gonna be eating the healthy medly of Frappucino + Smoothie + Ice Cream + Yogurt + Other non soup items. Because, lucky me, I happen to HATE soup. And yogurt. And jello. And other gelatanous things.
(That's, like... Karma, right?)
And I have this really cool blood slash mouthwash [Cue vampire dentistry joke, right?] taste in my mouth. It's really great.
I... Uh... Right.
Here's to first day of summer, kids.