THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
The rift widens among those on stage and those behind it and we've been ripped to pieces in the process.
I can't really understand what drives them anymore. I don't have any of that arrogance.
And they really are, I think. I'd like to see them do one night of Ninja work. Just to see what they'd do. I'd like to put someone like Javier or Charlotte behind my tech table and see how they would manage.
And they all think that we get our jobs because we were rejected for theirs.
It's fucking supercilous.
We have ten times the mental capacity and a hundred times the wit. We choose to do what we do- To bear all the weight so they can take all the glory.
And now French and Lisa and those others think they can switch sides. They think they can be as fake as the rest of them. It's disgusting.
It'll just be Jordan, Ashley, Becca, Brandon and I next year. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to lose Melissa and Dan.
Brandon's our new hope though. We're putting all of our hope in his hands, and what comes of that I hesistate to see....
I bought a television on Friday.
Things seem to be falling out of a lull.
All I want is learning for the sake of learning and information for information's sake. I want to study theology and philosophy, and history and etymology and anthropology. I want every book I can read and I want time to read them.
I want to find a balance between opposing forces.
I can't explain it.
Nothing that mattered before matters now...