THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
You know, I-
Jesus Christ.
You know, I couldn't even explain it if I tried.
This diary's been just about fucking everything to me, and I just can't explain it.
I keep looking back on some of the old shit and it's, like, "That's not who I am! I'm not that girl!"
But I guess I was.
And for everyone who doubts it, there you fucking go.
Except, now-Now is the first time I'm ever felt like I've got my shit together. And I know I don't because everything outside files into drawers and everything inside fucks itself into holes, but it feels that way.
And that's a good feeling.
And, for the first time, I just don't have anything to fucking prove to anyone.
And you can't get how big that is.
I'm such a fucking liar, you don't even know, and I pull everything for acceptance.
But I just don't care anymore.
Because I don't need to be around anyone who doesn't take in every single fucking facet, and I know that. I know that I don't need to look a certain way to get certain friends.
And, you know what? I still have to fight myself on it everyday.
Because looking different- that's armor.
And I know exactly what I'm running from.
But I think it's okay.
That's just the only goal I've got.
For everything to just be okay.
For things to be the way they are and know that that's as good as it gets- and it's pretty damn good.
All this fighting's cutting off my lifeline.
I don't really know what it was that did it, but I feel like I've got a direction to head in.
And it's a good one.
And that's really all you can ask for, isn't it?