THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
We had an assembly about depression today.
It was... For want of a better word...
Extremely...
Depressing.
And while a great deal of that was dealing only with the fact that it was incredibly pathetic and totally missed all the issues, it was something to think about.
A lot of "examine your motives" "What are you afraid of" kind of shit that they like to spew out at you.
And that was gay, because all of that's been hitting me in the face pretty bad lately.
I mean, honestly.
When absolutely everything you do is motivated by a deep-seeded sense of absolute and overwhelming self hatred, no good is every bound to arise.
And the fear part?
Yeah, I'll give you that.
I'm afraid that what I have- what I just naturally have- I'm afraid that it's not real.
The only thing that's ever seperated me from anybody else is the fact that I can do these stupid things that don''t mean shit to me, but everyone else seems to find impressive.
You know, I've always just rided along on things that don't mean anything because I'm used to being better than people.
And if all of that- If it's not real, I've got nothing.
I've never had top step out of the box, because I dominate it. I dominated all the fucking boxes I step into.
And all that means is that everything that I actually find important and challenging and interesting get left far, far behind me.
more later...