THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
I'm so fucking afraid of everything.
I'm so fucking afraid.
I'm so afraid that if I open up to someone and actually tell them everything I need to tell people that I really will be crazy.
I'm afraid that they'll send me doctors and they'll medicate me and I'll lose everything that I hate.
I'm so afraid of losing this.
I'm so afraid that it isn't really even anything.
I'm afraid of being a narcissist, and just thinking everything and that none of it will be true.
I'm so afraid of never doing anything worthwhile.
I'm so afraid of never helping people, of never doing what I want to do- what i need to do or I will never be happy.
I'm so afraid of waking up to the exact same day for the rest of my life.
I'm so afraid of dying unnoticed.
I'm so afraid of everything staying the same.
I'm so afraid of always hating myself.
I'm so afraid of everyone doing better than me. Of not ending up on top. Of staying where I am.
I'm so afraid of being confined to one place. I'm afraid that I won't be restless anymore.
I'm so afraid of not being who I want to be; of always being to paranoid to just take the plunge.
I'm so afraid of doing what's sensible and losing passion. I'm afraid of doing something I'm not passionate about.
I'm afraid of ending up like all the people I know. I'm so afraid that that will end up being enough.
I'm afraid of living the next two years like this and I'm afraid of living them any other way.
I'm afraid of always being the odd one out.
I'm afraid of not being brilliant.
I'm afraid of not being important.
I'm afraid of being ordinary.
I'm afraid that none of this is real at all.
I'm most afraid of that.