THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
I feel so fucked lately.
I feel like I'm just gonna end up in the right now I'm in. the right now I've ALWAYS been there.
Where I get to wtahc everyone else go through all their normal teenager stuff and have them whine to me about it.
And then WRITE about it, and never have ANY of it happen to me.
And it doesn't happen to me because I'm an over-analytical obsessive compulsive neurotic control freak who's so worried about doing something WRONG that she could never possibly do anything RIGHT.
And then there's the whole self hatred thing. Yeah. That.
The whole thing where I have to constantly remind myself that there is no POSSIBLE WAY that anything normal could EVER happen because I don't fucking look like everyone else!
Because I'm not as skinny as everyone else, and I'm not as pretty as them and I don't dress like them.
You know, it's like I'm a fucking leper! I can't shop in normal stores because I can't wear normal clothes and I hate myself and I know that it's ridiculous but...
I don't even know.
It doesn't feel like I could ever go anywhere looking the way I do.
That I couldn't even let myself do anything- even if it was there...
I just.,..
Fucked.
And it's all in my fucking head.