07-10-05 . 10:33 pm

I don't understand people.

Okay, and I know that I am obsessive. I know that. And I know that when I get into something- I get into it all the way. I do things right or I don't do them at all.

But I can't....

It just baffles me how completely idiotic people are. And I can't see how the choices I make aren't the obvious ones. I don't see why self destruction is flattering, even in a scene that built itself on a mine feild.

Okay, straight to the point, right? Right.

Why do you people do drugs? Why do you drink?

And I'm not trying to be preachy, but it just doesn't make any sense to me. I don't understand why you could choose to do something just because it's what all your friends are doing.

I don't do anything my friends do.


My friends are all ballerinas and techies! They all listen to Queen and Good Charlotte! They all like trendy clothes and stuff- they like whatever's normal.

But I don't need to do what they do. I don't feel compulsed to go shop at Old Navy because they do. I don't like listening to bad eighties metal or crappy pop punk.

And I don't like drinking and I don't like drugs.

I don't even know how to voice my absolute bafflement over this issue.

It just...It doesn't make any sense to me.

I don't see why anyone would feel the drive to do shit like that- do stuff that they know can hurt them and hurt their relationships and hurt the people who care about them.

I watched the exact same educational videos that you did, and I did the exact same worksheets.

And I've had friends just like you have who've brought beer to school and gotten their fucking stomachs pumped cause they took to much x. Who like to come up to me and tell me about how they almost killed themselves while they were on acid because they could see all their skin fallling off. How they and their friends went and got fucking high all weekend and can't remember a thing.

I've had the friends who were anorexic and bullemic and whose parents beat them. I've had the friends who slept with 25 year olds and would sneak out of school. The friends who would try to smoke in front of me and show me all their fucking scars. I've had friends who've been put into institutions because they were hooked on so many drugs they couldn't see straight and trying to slit their fucking wrists open.

And you know what?

I know that that's not even half as bad as what most of you know.

So, yeah...I...It doesn't make sense to me, but I know it's not something I can get an answer to.

I don't know why "having a good time" means getting completely hammered.

If the only way you can 'have a good time' is to do that, I seriously think you need to reevalute some things in your life.

But, hey, maybe I'm just a stupid fucking naive little girl who doesn't know any of your fucking pain and trauma.

+ + + +