THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
Oh the world we live in.
Watch me here just screaming out blasphemies and reveling in blood-soaked sin.
I don't know how people live that way.
I honestly can not remember reading anything and feeling such horror. Such pure, cold horror.
And they say God is love.
READ THE FUCKING BIBLE AND THEN WE'LL TALK.
I had homework about Original Sin tonight. I had homework about Cain and Abel.
About original sin.
Do you have any idea what they said? What they said to put into the minds of fucking girls who don't know better? Put into the minds of people who don't know how to think all the way for themselves yet?
They said that all the bad things that happen are not God's fault. They are the person's fault. They said that out of freedom God created humans, and out of freedom humans make poor choices.
And the picture that accomponied it?
A picture of a starving child in a THIRD FUCKING WORLD COUNTRY.
Like it was IT'S FAULT IT WAS DYING A SLOW DEATH.
Right. And all those Russian kids who died, that means it was THEIR FAULT.
IT WAS THEIR FAULT BECAUSE THEY DESERVED IT.
How in fucking hell do you follow something that implies that???
How can you possibly have the NERVE to show a picture OF A CHILD, and speak of Original Sin?
I can't tell you what it was like to read that. Just waves of cold. Of emptiness.
You base your lives off of that?
You LIVE for that?
And then. Then they talked about the people who didn't love God.
They said that they who did not love would have their hearts turned to ice and stone and die slowly, slowly.
It makes me sick.
Like the only way you could be a good person was to fucking beleive in God. To act the way they do. To say what they say. To wear what they wear.
And suddenly there's a million year old war fighting right inside you and you choose opression or you choose hell. Take your pick, you've got to choose.
You want terror, I'll show you terror.
To be a good person.
I have a theory that everyone has a place within their minds where they go to escape. A place where they feel safe. A home that they carry inside of them to let them know who they are.
And I think that some people see it, and feel it; know how it looks, feels, smells, tastes. And others don't, but it's still there.
Me? I know exactly what it is. I do. It's a cold and dark place and it's angry and it's brutal. It's sad and it's safe and it's dangerous. It's always dark and it's where I feel alive.
Not crazy, I just know where I'm coming from. I see things visually, and that's where things take me.
What do you suppose those people see? What they feel?
Where do you think they go? Do they take refuge in a God who told them that they would die if they turned their back for one second? Find peace in something that people have blamed for death and war, and then immedietly run back to?
It's a centuries old Stockholm's Syndrom and I just don't understand.
Cain and Abel.
They blamed Cain. Like God was the innocent one.
Kill them for beleiving, kill them for not beleiving.
You're fucked either way.
Show me a sensible answer, I just do not understand.
The only thing I know how to beleive in is myself. And I might just be, by their terms, a sinner in purest form.