THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
Swear to God.
Watch as all the tables turn and everyone becomes something you never saw coming.
It's something I hate and something I love. Something I welcome and something I push so far away.
I like the fact that music that I strode towards does nothing for me now. It's very refreshing.
I mean, really.
Maybe it's just not good or bad. I suppose it's both.
Because now I'm stuck with something that still means a great deal to me and something I feel very strongly about...But don't have any desire to actually listen to.
See, and to me, that says CONFLICT.
But, hell, we live in a world where everything is interconnected and things are always smaller than they look.
So there you go.
Spill everything you've got onto a tray and pass it down, only so it can be eaten by ravonous third graders who are using scantily clad blonde whores as their life role models.
Life, life, life.
Why do things only ever get simpler and more complex? And everytime I take a turn for the worse, ten things infinitely wonderful hit me in the face.
God. Today I listened (...well....attempted to listen to...) The Casualties, The Unseen, The Bronx, and The Devotchkas.
And guess what?
I just didn't care.
I really didn't.
All of it just bored me. That's the word- boredom.
It seems like it doesn't take a lot to scream out all of your inner angst and anger at society through out of tune guitars and drums played by drug addicts.
Give me something more. It doesn't take a lot to be angry, but it takes effort to dress it up and make it pretty. To take ugliness and put it inside a jeweled frame.
I spent a good waste of time seeking out shit like that only to abandon it at the first sight of something more interesting.
It feels like I'm betraying myself.
Making a bigger deal out of something than the situation warrents, but you try it. Wake up and find that what once brought you joy now is dull as fuck and what you want is even farther out of grasp.
And, judging by the entry I just wrote, you also try losing your ability to translate thoughts into coherant statements and not what happens when paints mix.
There you go.
Babbling like the bizarre kid I am.
Woo freakin hoo.
I get x-rayed today.
And I'm still realing from the effects of dealing with the fact that, emotionally, I've turned into a big black hole and I'm trying to fill it up with things I don't want or need.
I would love to have a day to just exist and stop thinking. To live the way that good music makes you feel.
God. Shut up.
Just beat me down with a corporate stick.
It'd probably do me a hell of a lot of good.
I need to take a shower.
Try to wash off about ten pounds of things I don't want to exist and twenty pounds of teenage angst.
Leaving what I would assume to be a pile of bones and unfinished thoughts.
Must stop listening to thought provoking music.
Funny how thought provoking Courtney Love is lately...
EDIT>> Okay, just to prove my point about the whole progressively more and more boring thing: today I listened to Lars Frederiksen's new album. They use some of the exact same guitar riffs as the first one.
I love Lars and all, but come on. If you can't even think of anything better, then don't make it.
EDIT 2>> Betcha I wouldn't have cared a few months ago...Fuck.