THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
If any of you have ever read my diary before, you will have heard me mention my psychotic pedafile nazi ape of a physical education teacher and his bizarre infatuatuation with Flaming Hot Cheetos.
And probably about my F in his class.
Yes, my friends, I failed Phys Ed.
And, judging by the notes I take, it seems hardly unsurprising.
For your reading pleasure, I will copy down some of the notes I took in his class. And you will see the result of extreme boredom, semi-hilarity, and ugly uniforms does to one.
You can tell where I improvised.
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Notes: SARCOPENIA (and other things Flaming Hot Cheetos Can Do to You)
Sarcopenia- 1. Unhealthy loss of muscle due to age
2. Can be corrected for the most part by weight training (and taking four thousand mile hikes through the woods and chopping cinder for our log cabins and eating tortillas so we don't become fat and ugly people with plastic hips and bad breath)
2 1/2. Caused by excessive consumption of Satan's own snackfood- the abomination known to us as Flaming Hot Cheetos
RESULTS OF SARCOPENIA:
1. Loss of mobility,balance, and ultimately, independance (so no more trips to 7-11 to get some of those grease pocketed snack items...Damn)
2. Begins in late 20's early thirties (I'll be dead by then...So who gives a fuck?? Let's be gluttons while we have the chance!)
3. Health risks begin in early sixties
4. Leads to broken hips and early trips to nursing homes (Flaming Hot Cheetos!!! REPENT! REPENT!)
Years of scientific research medical research shows importance of maintaing muscle (and not eating processed chees and corndogs!)
Older people tend to be intimidated by exercise. (Wait...ME TOO!!!):
1. Lack of knowledge (Yeah cause all those fat old people are such morons.....I lack a lot of knowledge, may I just say, and it isn't costing me my hip bones)
2. Overall Weight Training Program:
-Glutes (BUNS OF STEEL!!!!)
-Quads
-Shoulders
-Hamstrings
-Arms
-Chest (Yeah, you'd want that, wouldn't you, you fucking child molester,????)
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Luckily, he never quite saw them.
But let's just say that they weren't a lot of help come test time.
And the fact that I blame my laziness on science (dude, ever heard of inertia??? OBJECTS AT REST LIKE TO STAY AT REST!) doesn't help a lot either.
Oh well.