THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
God. I am so sick of myself.
I am so sick of always being such a goddamn killjoy for everyone else to.
I hate myself for that. For feeling the constant need to never be pleasent. I shouldn't be unking just because I hate myself.
I hate myself for just sitting here, waiting for something really aweful to happen so then I can have something real to complain about, instead of the crap about which I usually whine.
I'm a useless bitch.
And I'm really tired of it.
And yet, change is so hard.
So maybe I'll justs it here and keep being cynical and avoidant because then no one will ever notice me again.
Maybe I'll just disappear after a while.
That would be some welcome releif.
Or maybe someone will finally just give me the slap in the face I've deserved so many times, and I'll just learn to shut the fuck up and do something productive for a change.
And then I'll still go unnoticed.