THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
I just got back from six (yes. Six. I counted, dammit) hours of excrutiatingly boring drama rehersals.
I still feel pretty shitty.
And confused.
And, yes, Amanda, I am going to call you. But I don't think I can come over tomorrow because it is mother's day incase you have not realized this, and I (unlike some people) try very hard to keep my relationship with my mother peaceful at the very least. It seems to have certain advantages. Maybe.
I fucked up my wrist today. I don't even know how....Somewhere in the space of oh say...three hours of mortifyingly campy dance numbers, my wrist starts basically throbbing. And now I can't pick anything up. It's not like it hurts to move it; it's like all of the muscle went away and it just got really weak all of a sudden. Which sucks. You tend to need your left wrist to be functional every once and awhile...
Still very iffy on the St. Joseph's thing. It's so fucked up...I can't even describe it.
I talked to Christian about it. Which sounds weird. But I did, because he's one of those weird people who haven't known me that lond but seem to know me very well. he just said I was pathetic (he says that a lot) and I should just go to Pedro.
I got told that a lot today too. I also got told that I would be missed.
It's a weird feeling.
Knowing that people might actually miss you if you were gone...
I guess it's just never really happened before. Ever....
I want to go there.
And even though it might just be sealing the deal that I will never be able to leave, I would be with my friends. My friends who are gradually becoming some of the best friends I have ever had. And I would be able to do all of the idiot things I want to.
That would be awesome.
I also keep thinking that it'll keep me safe. From myself.
Because I know that when I'm around that many people who know me, there is no ay I could do something seriously idiotic.
I need that. I don't trust myself enough to make good desicions.
I really don't.
And thinking about all of this kind of gives me this really sick feeling.
I wish I didn't have any options. But then I would just bitch about that.
Apperantly, I will just never be able to be happy with what I have.
Which, in my opinion, seems to be a major character flaw: though all I want is to be happy, I refuse to let myself be content with the way things are.
Oh, sigh.
I need something to bitch and whine about that is disconnected with my personal life. I don't really like thinking about my personal life. It's rather exhausting.
Oh...Here's something.
I can here the radio from where I am.
There is a lady on there talking about how America is the best place on earth.
Bullshit.
Now she's saying how our current president is very intellegent.
Which is saying somthing, if you ask me.
You'd think these people might be able to pick up on some shred of truth every once in awhile.
It must take effort to ignore it so much.
It seems impossible for people to be THAT ignorant.
And now I really do feel sick.
I don't know what to do.
...But sitting here really isn't helping much, is it?