THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
I don't feel well. Things keep going so badly, worse than ever, but then they get better. Just those little things that happen every day. Those help. That one song on the radio. The one thought that goes trough your mind. The one thing that your lab partner says that makes you laugh and consequently makes all of science better than it would have been. That one time passing Vince in the hallway. That one cherry garcia popsicle that you eat in the rain. Those little things help so much. They make all of the stupid things that everyone else does to bring you down seem less cruel. And all of the hate you feel for everyone else is all erased when you spend time with the people I do like. How all my friends seem to be there for me without knowing it whenever I have a really shitty day. How Jordan can always tell and is always nice when I feel like crap. I just need to spend more time being with the people I love than focusing on the people I don't like. They always make things better just by being themselves. They let me be all the way myself without caring if I really screw up.
And so I just wonder why they do that. Why they keep liking me even if I don't deserve it. Why do they always stay by me. Is that just what friends do? Are we just not allowed to abandon each other when one thing goes wrong? If friends do that, why don't your family? Why is it that friends only care about how you feel when everyone else just cares about what you do? They don't care what I do. They don't let one bad thing ruin everything the way parents do.
These things are so new to me. I always had Alix and Milena. I never even thought ever about them not being there for me. We were one person with three minds. But now I have new friends who are teaching me more than I knew I could learn. It's weird. It's weird that the people who aren't related to you are the ones you relate to most. I could never talk to anyone in my family about anything. I don't need to talk with my friends. They just know. They know and they *care*. My parents don't care. And they can't relate.
And I don't do them justice. I'm not as good of a friend as they are. So why keep accepting me? I don't understand.
I just know the little things that kill me day by day. And the ones that bring me back.