THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
Hmmm......Today my knee hurt so much that I couldn't put any weight on it. Damn you physical therapy. Ouch. A lot. And now I'm really hungry and there is nothing to eat. Last night, it was really bad. I had a dream about Ranger dying. Again. And my mom took all these pictures of his.......body. And showed thm to me. I think its karma for not going to see him and say goodbye one last time that day. I was to upset. I just....couldn't. I didn't want my last memory of him was when he was-......He was so pretty. I have his picture sitting next to me. He had his mane all braided and my black halter when it was all shiny and new.
It seems that like whenever things go really wrong, like when my grades died and my parents were so angry with me, all I could think of was Ranger. And all things I should have done to make his life better. And that the only thing in the world I want is to see him one more time. It feels like I never felt the pain I should have felt comes back to me every time something goes wrong. I want him so badly. I want my horse back. I want the only horse I only ever really loved. Now. But I can't have him can I? I can never have him back. Ever.
This is awful. I hate feeling this. That emptiness. I just want things to be good. For once. With nothing wrong.
But something always is.