THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
Today, we learned that not only are we pot-smoking, religiously intolerant whores, but we are AIDS-infected, pot-smoking, religiously-intolerant whores.
I really feel like this school administration thinks highly of me, don't you?
We had to go to an assembly for one of those crappy-'talk-to-them-in-their-own-language'-type things. This time it's for AIDS. ((But one of the guys was totally- nevermind.This thought seems to pass across my brain filter far too often. And who can blame me? I'm testosterone-deproved))
And, let me tell you: even after an hour of it, it is still completely hilarious to hear the words anal, oral, vaginal, lubricant, and condom in the same sentance.
There's a twelve year old boy somewhere, trapped in the depths of my soul just longing to get out. I blame him for moments like that.
It was like School House Rock, the Sex Ed version.
There was a condom song.
Let's leave it at the fact that it involved a bananda, Never Been Kissed style.
And, honestly, if that wasn't enough for my poor, fragile, virgin psyche to stand, then I had to go through this horrifying experience in health class.
The point was to show us that all men are pigs and how we were all going to get date raped and DIE.
But it turned out to be an hour of Mrs. Bos and Mr. Blos telling stories about how they met their husband/wives. (There was a serious grammer error in that sentance....Woah)
It was like some demented sleep over...With my teachers.
Not a pretty picture, my friends. Not a pretty picture.
And any class in which you get to say the phrase 'faco sex' and not get in trouble, is just the coolest thing since striped socks.
Latin vocabulary gets more and more fun every day. To see this little seventy year old nun saying "fac" over and over again is...Hilarious.
In other news, I was told today that by several people that I reminded of them of the people in those Gap commercials.
We were playing algebra bingo. One girl was like "Oh my god! If I get that one, I'll like totally get DOUBLE BINGO!"
My response, being the sarcastic asshole I am, was "Yes, oh my god, Jessica, that would be so cool. I mean, who doesn't want DOUBLE FREAKIN BINGO??? I mean, I LIVE in the FERVENT HOPE that someday I, too, will acheive SUCH AN HONOR as DOUBLE BINGO. Good Lord."
I fail to see their point.
Also, I feel like a whale. I think I somehow must have gained about twenty pounds by...Nothing...And now feel completely inflates and ginormous. Which, in case no one could tell, really doesn't help when your whole self-esteem in the looks department is, at best, about a negative two.
So, yeah. That's it I think. I might right for Lockstepgone today, but it would be skipping ahead so no one would know what's happening. I am not a sequential person. I hate writing in order.
Today, I was called so amazingly and blindingly white, I was almost translucent.
Thanks a whole lot.
It's not my fault no one in my family has any melanine in their skin.
I just try distract them by being a big, obnoxioous asshole all the time so they won't notice that I glow in the dark...
Leave me notes. Here, Lockstepgone, Shutuphamlet. Wherever.