THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
Well, I inteded to not actually write about my day, and leave you all in tantalizing suspense as to my involvements with the staff and student body at St. Joseph's....
...But I'm bored.
So now I'm just going to explain in exruciating detail in true old-fashioned HamletWilDie fashion.
I.E. I shall just ramble nonscensically and you'll all find it amusing.
Cause that's the way it works, guys. And it never happens any more. And I'm a selfish bitch, so I blame you.
MY LAME ASS DAY AT ST. JOSEPHS!
1. So we get to school and have to go to our "Sections".
What is a section you ask? It's the FancyCatholic name for homeroom.
But, see, in Catholic school they refuse to call anything by it's proper name and then blame "tradition".
2. In my "Section", Mr. HomeRoomTeacherMan insists on telling us about how he got shot twice like ten thousand years ago beacause he worked in a school "in the ghetto".
...Of Ohio.....
Yeah, real macho.
So that took up a bout ten years. And then The ASB girl with the brown hair #5 tells us all about our schedules. El-Yawn-o.
3. Mr. HomeRoomTeacherMan walks us over to the 'Flynn Center' for our Pep Rally Redy-ing Assembly.
I thought they called in the 'Fun Center'. Which was just kind of funny because it gave the slight implication that that school really is some kind of sick carnival and they just find a lot of pleasure in making us wear orange and be called the JESTERS.
4. Late to Flynn/Fun Center Assembly.
5. When we get there, we are berated by some So-Obviously-On-Drugs very gay man and shooed down so the seating was like perfect. ((CRAZY)).
Then we're spoken to by the Lead Cheerleaders.
Yeah, that was a real riot.
5. Proceeding right along with the assembly, the Sex Ed teacher teaches us our chant for the first PepRally.
They're really into that there. The whole School Spirit/Pride thing...I don't get it....
Anyway. So it ended up being slightly amusing because she was telling us about how we could win the Spirit Jug- thing....Only it soulded like she said Spirit Jugs.
So as she hastily corrected herself, she reached up and grabbed her massive breasts which, like all the other teachers', hung about to her knees.
6. We are forced to do the lamest cheer ever.
I beleive it was based on various 'popular' songs of the time so we could all relate.
But, see, that's a real problem for me.
I live under a freakin rock and try very hard to never come out. I mean, really. I almost never listen to the radio (and when I do, it's just Indie or some Alt. station that my mom listens to...So those hardly count....Yesterday they played one of my favorite songs ever on indie, "Oh Bondage Up Yours!" by X Ray Spex. I was so happy).
And, the one and only time I watch MTV (2), look where it gets me.
In fucking tears.
Yeah, thanks a lot Corporate America.
7. We are released like birds out of an ugly orange plastic cage out to break.
They have soda machines...And Candy for sale there.
...Muahaha....CANDY!
Which is weird because in LAUSD Candy is Satan's snack food and they don't sell anything caffeinated because everyone's either fat or on drugs anyway.
I guess all the girls at Jo's are anorexic, so it doesn't make a whole lot of difference.
8. After they glochenspeil us into attention and call for us to head over to the (MumbleMumbleMumble) ROOM, we are shuffled into a large (also orange) room with what could ahve been considered a stage in it.
I, however, would call it somewhere closer to the size of a gymnastics mat. Nowhere close to an actual stage.
9. We are handed puzzle peices (Love the You're-Five-Years-Old kind of treatment) in various colors and then sorted out into groups according to our color.
Very-inter-fucking-active.
From there, we proceded to discuss the future non-events of the rest of the school year in painful detail.
10. Re-Released to go once again back to our 'Sections'. Have to listen to Mr. HomeRoomTeacherMan talk more.
11. We are given our "Senior Sisters".
My God.
Let me know when you find something more degrading.
Oh wait...But, see, it only ever gets worse.
12. Shuffled back into the (MumbleMumbleMumble) ROOM, now accompanied with a group of rather angsty posh seventeen year olds.
Yippee.
MsNunLady#1 finds great joy in describling the various ways in which our class shall be tortured by the ALL HOLY (GASP!) UPPERCLASSMEN.
(All hail, for thou are unworthy of their gracious prescences)
13. MsNunLady#2 leads a religious dance.
Yeah, that's right.
A RELIGIOUS DANCE.
Okay, you know the beginning of the movie Saved?
It was that.
Only less coordinated.
14. Pray for nine thousand years.
During which, I proceded to ballpointpen spiderwebs all over all my fingers and swallows on my wrists.
15. This part really got me, though.
It was so freakin funny.
MsNunLady#2 had the (ALL HAIL) Senior sister people do this blessing ceremony on us.
HA!
They had to make the sign of the cross about ten thousand times on us.
SIgn of the cross on our eyes, our ears, our nose, our mouth, our shoulders, our hands, our feet, and our hearts.
Every one, of course, had a deeply spiritual metaphorical meaning to it.
16. Then they made us tell our "Sisters" what we wanted them to pray for us for.
...I actually felt really bad about that...
I don't want anyone to pray for me.
And I couldn't come up with some bullshit answer either.
So I just didn't say anything.
The girl was pretty nice too. She was all eager about it.
17. Return to "Sections".
18. Handed heavy packets.
19. Glochenspeiled out of school.
20. Had to wait for Alix to try and buy her Latin book.
Apperantly, we are basically the only kids taking Latin.
God, who knew Dead Languages wouldn't be popular?!?!
And then we left.
And then I came home.
And then I left again.
And then I came back home.
And then I babysat my sister.
And then I went to the park to see Amanda&Tiffany&jordan.
And then I came home AGAIN, only to have an emotional breakdown due to the current state of a band who shall remain nameless at this point for my own sake.
So there you. And just think, no one even cared anyway.
Eh, what the hell. Not like I have anything better to do.
It's days like these that make me want to break out in racous renditions of Billy Idol songs.