THOSE WHO SUFFER LOVE
And so passes another day in the absolutely fascinating life of Ms. Cliche Herself.
I know, I know. I'm so fucking interesting they should make a Lifetime movie about me. Genious.
So, cause I know you're all just gripping at seats, I'll tell you what happened today.
I got a new hairdryer.
But, no, not just any hairdryer.
It's a purple hairdryer.
With little flashing red, green, and yellow lights in the handle so, you know, when your in the bathroom drying your hair you can just turn the lights off and have your own private disco.
HOW COOL IS THAT?
Fuck, can you beleive that something that useful and practical was on SALE?!?! I mean, now that I have this fascinating invention, not only can I dry my hair, but I can also wave down airplanes at the same time!
You all must be so jealous.
Hmm...What else, what else.
Well...I realized that I was too stupid for one of the (Insert Noun/Verb) For Dummies.
Seriously.
The thing made NO SENSE.
They should make a Books for Dummies For Dummies. I'd buy it, too.
And tonight I, to my extreme joy and pleasure, I got to go down to Target, where I ran into one of the girls who used to be in my homeroom.
And, admittedly, she was not the brightest of creatures to begin with- I mean, she refused to beleive that I didn't wear contancts because my eyes are such a bizarre-genetic-disaster color. (And, should you be one of the lucky few who have been blessed with my ray of sunshine prescence before, you'll know what I mean)
Yeah, good theory.
See the only thing is...
I WEAR GLASSES.
So the chance of me wearing contancts UNDER MY GLASSES seems just a bit slim, dear.
But tonight she seemed particularly dull and glazed over. I shall thus refer to her as Donut.
Seriously...Maybe Donut's on drugs now...Wouldn't surprise me...
So, back to my AWESOME Target exploits. I got to browse through the makeup section, where I found not only orange lipstick, but WHITE eyeliner. Sadly, I didn;t have enough money for anything as trendsetting as that. Seriously- soon everyone will be wearing white eyeliner and looking like they have some severe contagious diseases. God, I am such a visionary.
Oh, yes, and plaid headbands whose color could roughly be described as what it would look like if someone ate all the other plaids...
And then vomitted it back up.
I almost bought one- it was so goddamn attractive.
Oh, and then on the way home we got the pleasure of viewing a group of teenage boys with various pins/patches/studs/tears/get-the-fuck-over-it, losers hanging out at the L:AUNDRY MART- hippest spot in town, I tell you- with all the drug addicts and crazy people who live at the mental institution across the street.
Right, that's a real productive way to spend your Friday night...Sad part is...Those are the kind of guys I'd probably end up dating were I going to San Pedro High and not St. Lesbians-of-Perpetual-Isolation and bad sweater vests. Not that there are good sweater vests...
Anyway. This place, however, was not the Mental Institution that my mom works at- yeah, yeah, I know...That says a lot- I'll just tell it to my therapist when I'm forty and a quivering mass of insecure secretary living in Middle America- but an entirely different Mental Instituition.
Funny how a town that is relatively small in comparison to...Well. Everywhere, has not one but TWO mental facilities.
That's a whole lot of crazy people, needless to say.
But, see, my theory is that they were all just normal people who went completely out of their minds from living in such a small town where you know all the people you pass in the supermarket and all your grandparents know all your friends' grandparents.
Yeah, that must be it...
I tell you. I'm getting the fuck out of this hamster cage as soon as I can. Drives me insane.
You live here a day past eighteen and bam- there you are ninety years old and going to go play Bingo in the basement of Holy Trinity with all your old mates from highschool where you gossp about them dang kids across the street.
Truth, truth.
Ah, well.
I fear I must retire to the BatCave. For there resides a whole pile of filthy laundry and a lame Mystery book from my reading list that are just calling out my name.
But do not fear.
I shall return.
...It's not like I have anything better to do....